This year were having dog!!!!

Today, i got up early, put Nigellas ginger ham on to boil, 4 hours! its supposed to be express!!!!!!! wrapped some presents, ran out of sellotape, resorted to using luggage labels..not in a country living style but more blue peter!!!…then the hoover decides to stop sucking!!! unblock tube, empty bag, and still no joy!!! put hoover in room 101!!!…..you know where today is going!!!!children request toilet paper after they are at the point of no return!!.. 4 bathrooms and yet no paper left, oh but we do have enough cardboard inner tubes to make crackers for the WHOLE Von Trapp family!!!…dog looked grubby, so I wash dog, no pet shampoo left so use Treseme!..dog is so fluffy now he looks like Cleo Laine!!……time for luch…no bread left! so its good old 7p noodles from morrisons with worcestershire sauce! ooh if Nigella could see me now shed gasp in her cashmere twin set!….dog scratching at back door wanting to go into garden..let dog out….lets put some washing on….the washing fairy has not been and pile is at least 3 feet high…guess what, a thimble full of powder left, still in it goes..perhaps in 3 days time when we remember to get it out again it might be clean..ill worry about that then!…still need to get last food shop before Christmas, its like a military operation, ….im going solo at 9pm on saturday….along with the rest of kent no doubt…as i tpe children are arguing, 18 year old is complaining that no one has made him noodles!!!…oops i forgot teenagers eat, i thought they just walked around in 3 day old pants thinking they were so superior …shes called him a chav now and hes said she is like a satsuma as she has so much foundation on!!….oh the joys of a family christmas….just remembered dog is still in garden, probably now frozen, as hes been out there 4 hours!!!…just went to door to let him in as his cries seem so pathetic…do not worry readers hes got his revenge, hes covered head to foot in foxes S**T!!!!……..still once ive washed him again hes going in the oven!!,…so lucky i bought 2 throw away roasting dishes!……any one got a good reciepe for what to do with left over westie scraps?……….all this and its only 11am!….got to fight the crowds at bluewater yet to return the waistcoat that looked good on the hanger but gave me breasts when i put it on at home…..still not long now until we can all enjoy the turkey and remagel!! Happy Holidays to you all…ps if theres any spelling mistakes, tuff! i aint got time to do it again….Fred x
…