tv live from the star wars bar…….

Hello and Happy New Year to you all!

I apologise in advance as this small post will probably only interest uk readers who happened to be housebound on wednesday evening!!!!!!! Has the tv scheduling been taken over by the lanlord of the Star wars bar? It was probably the most bizzare evening of tv I have ever watched….first we had ” half a ton mum!” a documentary that followed a 64 stone lady who wanted gastric bypass surgery, the show had a kind of morbid freak show quality that sadly finished with her death, however the only conclusion i seemed to draw from the show was , if you eat 8 McDonalds at a time! you are not going to win a gold at the 2012 Olympics in the 100 meters hurdles!

This was followed by Fake Babies!!!!!! even more bizzare, a lady made life like babies and sold them to nutters, ooops i mean other ladies who had more money than sense, who then bought them prams and took them out shopping . One lady made me nearly choke on my pringles as she took her “little miracle” ( no! just a plastic dolly you fool!) to the sea life center!!!!!!and what was even more unbelievable was her husband, whom no way looked retarded, helped to strap this child of chucky doll into a childs car seat for the journey!!!! Still this only confirms what ive always felt, never trust a woman with a cheap home perm! for thats what she had..still the plastic babies did look so at home in her northern council flat..and when she announced she was going to go to America to collect her new baby, all one could do was to shout at the tv,  get a new carpet instead you silly cow!….however, this was not the end, she then went to Harrods with a fake baby in a pram! oh god call security! and bought £269 worth of designer baby clothes for her new arrival. We then follow this care in the community escapee to Washington to get her new arrival…we see her pacing the hotel room waiting for the delivery, and she even says” that this has been a long labor!”.. god someone get me a stun gun. The baby arrives in nice brown box, shes so excited, we watch her peel back the plastic and bring her new baby to life…..at this point Happy and I , burst into what can only be described as hysterical laughter…the baby is so ugly, and i dont mean ugly Betty ugly i mean Nigel Lawson ugly!!!!…….still our laughter was an omen as a few days later as ’straw perm lady’ begins to bond with her baby she notices a crack in its head, she is devastated and feels she needs to reject the child as she only can accept perfection!…we on the other hand roll about on the floor unable to breath through laughing!….

Next i kid you not was another documentary about some Asian jail where the inmates for punishment are forced to dance on mass to make you tube videos! one of which, there version of Micheal Jacksons thriller has had over 7 million hits and is you tubes most watched video…not bad for a group of some thousand plus murder’s, rapists and drug dealers. What ever happened to real punishment like sewing mailbags and working on a chain gang…after all when they are released the world will be over run with what could only be described as failed Asian X factor contestants….and when they all donned nuns habits and started on a Sister Act medley, it was time to reach for the remote, turn of 16 sets of christmas lights and go to bed, or was i already in bed and this was all some kind of bizzare dream……….